Canon in D has always been my favorite piece of music. This inspires me to pick up my clarinet again. I can listen to this and feel happy. I want to learn how to play this. I want to feel happy again. No. Iwill feel happy again!

• Stiles Stilinski: I'm fine. Yeah, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant overwhelming crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen.
• Ms. Morell: It's called hyper vigilance. The persistent feeling of being under threat.
• Stiles Stilinski: It's not just a feeling though. It's like it's a panic attack. You know, I can't even breathe.
• Ms. Morell: Like you're drowning?
• Stiles Stilinski: Yeah.
• Ms. Morell: So, if you're drowning and you're trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last moment. But if you choose to not open your mouth, to not let the water in.
• Stiles Stilinski: You do it anyway. It's a reflex.
• Ms. Morell: But if you hold off until that reflex kicks in. You have more time, right?
• Stiles Stilinski: Not much time.
• Ms. Morell: But more time to fight your way to the surface.
• Stiles Stilinski: I guess.
• Ms. Morell: More time to be rescued.
• Stiles Stilinski: More time to be in agonizing pain. Did you forget about the part where you feel like your head's exploding?
• Ms. Morell: If it's about survival, isn't a little agony worth it?
• Stiles Stilinski: What if it just gets worse. What if it's agony now and then... then it's just hell later on?
• Ms. Morell: Then think about what Winston Churchill once said: If you're going through hell... keep going!

So my first day of school was yesterday, August 29th. And at first, I was so so so excited to go back. But the same drama and shit that made me depressed last year is already starting…and I honestly don’t know how much more I can do with it.
There is good news though. Today my brother and I actually went out to dinner. That really nice actually. I kinda told him a little bit about my depression and stress, and he completely understood.
Maybe I am taking a step in the right direction. Maybe things are going to start looking up. Maybe I’m ready to tell my mom how I feel.
Maybe I won’t be so….alone.

i want to get better.

i just don’t know how.

Why is it that we only focus on the one or two things a person has done wrong, instead of on the fifty things a person has done right? Why must we always focus on the negatives? Is it because focusing on others’ negatives will make us focus on our positives, thus giving us a sense of “I’m better than you”? I don’t understand. No one ever says, “Hey good job. Thank you for staying those few extra minutes to straighten things out so it wouldn’t be as chaotic on Monday morning.” Instead, they say, “Hey, thanks for just screwing everything up. You made things more complicated for me.” I feel like we wouldn’t be as frustrated if we simply took a moment to appreciate the fact that Bob didn’t rush out just to be home with his family, but instead took extra time to sort things out. Yeah, sure, maybe he did make more of a mess, but whatever happened to it’s the thought that counts? We just don’t care anymore. I mean, we all have background stories and lives outside of work, but that doesn’t mean your life is any more harder than mine. We all have battles that we must face every day. So before you go yelling at Bob because he did make a mistake that you unfortunately have to clean up, stop and think for a bit, maybe something is going on at home. Or, here’s a concept, we’re all human. Every once in a while, we make mistakes. Perfection is not that standard…it’s never been the standard. So yeah, you may have had to spend an extra few minutes correcting Bob’s mistakes, but that doesn’t mean he’s any less of a person. People may have different strengths than you. That’s what makes us individuals. So before you go off, all upset that he didn’t do something right, remember that maybe he isn’t all too familiar with the subject he tried to accomplish. And then remind yourself that you may not be familiar to a subject that just happens to be his strength. Everyone is different. So criticize, but give constructive criticism. Because there’s a huge difference between yelling at someone because they did something wrong, and explaining to someone on how to do it better. Instead of gearing up to jump down someone’s throat, take the time to nicely elaborate on what they could’ve done better. It makes the difference of a world. Because if you’re already have a bad moment, day, week, someone pointing out all your negative aspects surely isn’t going to make you feel any better.

In spite of the Olympics Opening Ceremony starting for the US in less than an hour, here’s a fun fact about myself.

I used to play soccer when I was younger. Religiously too. Practice on the weekdays, tournaments on the weekends. But then I fell really ill for an entire year, and I had to take a leave of absence from my team. When I was well enough to come back, I found out that they replaced me. And I could never really get comfortable with another team.

I had one dream when I was younger. To play soccer for the Olympics. I would talk about it all the time to my mom. When I practiced dribbling in mu backyard, I always had my dad coach like he was the coach for the USA Olympic Soccer team.

I’ll never be able to carry out that dream, but it certainly isn’t a regret of mine. I just wished I had continued after I was well enough. I definitely want my kids to shoot for the Olympics. I want to be a proud Olympic mama.

reblog

They saved my life. They can save yours too.